A Cup of Kindness

In September 2010 my best friend Sandy died. It was a hard year, watching cancer progress and my friend suffer, and her family suffer.

Christmas didn't feel much like Christmas that year. At least -- it didn't feel like I was used to it feeling. The magic seemed to have lost its power. I worried about it but told myself, 'Never mind, it will be back. Next year it'll be just the way it was before.'

New Year's, the last night of 2010, was unnerving. I wasn't prepared for the grief I felt. In my heart I stood before the doorway draped with holly, mistletoe, rosemary and snowdrop, and realized it was time to step through and leave Sandy behind.

I saw the last page of the chapter and the blankness on the other side, inviting me to turn the page and begin the next part of the story, and thought I'm not ready; I want a re-read.



New Year's Eve 2014. Here is the close of a chapter of painful loss and painful growth. Our lives have changed this year -- my daughter was forced to face the reality that a part of her life that she loved, the world of horses, in which she excelled and in which we all took a lot of pride, was actually a destructive force for her spirit. She brought it to a nearly complete end.

My other daughter has spent this year grieving as her older sister grew up and away -- suddenly the 30-month gap mattered in a way it never had before. It's rare now to hear them playing together: more common for the older one to be texting her friends trying to find someone else to hang out with. So the younger sister has been struggling with that feeling of being not enough for the most important person in her life.

And, of course, as the year turns over tonight, we will be leaving my father-in-law David in the past.

There are awful things about being immersed in the moment of grief; the days and months surrounding it are full of hurt and painful introspection. For a while we're in that Between state, out of the main current of the world turning over our private sorrow, reliving all the past happy times, and all the more recent suffering and uncertainty. It can be terrible.

But it can also be satisfying -- meeting our own deep need to come to terms with sadness and loss. As much as it hurts, it feels right. And the memory of the loved one we have lost is keen and fresh, and still very much part of the present.

At first Dad is right in front of you, wherever you look. The last email you got from him was just a few weeks ago. There he is, in the photos you've been meaning to edit from the family reunion. I remember finding books Sandy had lent me, in a pile waiting to be returned to her. It's almost as if your loved one has become a cloud that you move through wherever you go -- a cloud both of presence and absence.

The time goes by until one day, in order to see them properly, you find you have to turn your head.

Now that Dad's last year is ending completely, we'll have to turn all the way around, our backs to the future, and look behind us.

Tonight I'll light candles and think of Dad, and my children's waning childhood, and all my many private sadnesses. I'll write a list or two and dwell for a little while on what I hope will happen in 2015. I'll pray for all the people I love.

As you carry both your happy things and sad things through the doorway into 2015, I hope that you'll be able to put down what you need to. Set some extra weight on the ground and leave it here where it belongs, in the old year. I hope that you've had laughter and tears in 2014 and that both have served you well.

We've wandered many a weary foot. So here's a hand, my trusted friend, for the sake of times gone by.


Be well, and Happy New Year.

For what ails ye.

My husband pointed out to me not long ago, that I always get sick in March. I thought about it and realized Heck, he is right.

So, in keeping with my annual lemon and honey ritual, I got sick last Tuesday. Just a head cold, nothing major, but it does knock the stuffing out of one. I hate that glue-mouth I have on waking.

I have a magic potion which I invented to treat my annual cold, and I'm sharing it with you now.

1 organic orange
2 organic lemons
2-4 T honey
2" organic ginger root

Scrub the citrus well with a brush. Dry on a towel, then zest finely over a small saucepan. Halve and juice the citrus into the pan, without straining. (You want all those crazy bits of solids...that's the magic part.) Peel the ginger (scrape with a spoon works well, or use a little extra ginger and just slice off with a knife. You'll lose more but it's faster.) and grate it into the pot. Throw that honey in there, and heat it to a low simmer. (Don't boil it - too much heat kills Vitamin C.) Test it for sweetness -- this is a super powerful mixture and it can be pretty potent. You might need more honey!

Drink it while hot, stirring occasionally so you don't end up with a quarter cup of pulp and zest to eat at the end. Then, have a nap and wake up feeling a little better! Repeat at least twice a day, though 3-4 is better. (The nap, too - repeat the nap.) It's surprising how many people have said to me, "Oh, you have a cold?! Take some Tylenol and then at least you can get on with your life!" I recoil visibly - when I am sick, I don't want to get on with my life. That's the point of being sick - a virus takes you down because you won't go down voluntarily, and your body has had enough of getting on with things, and wishes to be laid down on the sofa for a few days with a heavy blanket, the ringer off, and a cup of magic potion.

You can put more citrus in there if you like: I use whatever I have and often end up with a grapefruit or two as well, though for no good reason I don't use the peel from those. You can also throw some stick cinnamon in, if you like - cinnamon is wonderful for respiration.


Yum!

(Probably not too good if you have diabetes, though.)

Does this even count as a vlog?

Quite a long time ago, my sister urged me to put up a "vlog" - a video blog. Which is another one of those annoying misnomers in our world: really, it should be "vost", because it's a POST, not a BLOG. That's like saying 'book' when you mean 'chapter'.

Anyhow. I know I posted yesterday about my eggnog latte, but in fact I took some video of that process, and thought it would be funny to post it.

In case you have ever wondered what my voice sounds like and whether I have a Canadian accent (which Lizbon maintains that I do), here's a sample.

Ho Ho HOLY CRAP that is strong.

First let me tell you I have a special relationship with Starbucks' Eggnog Lattes. I know other places make them, and make them well, but for me there's nothing like the 'buckies.

They're not cheap, though, (budget $5 each) and when you love them as much as I do you can spend upwards of $75 in November and December just on Eggnog Lattes. (!!!)

Enter the Bialetti, the Illy, and the Lucerne. Yowza!

Helpful YouTube Italian dude says mound the grounds: I obey. (Regretted that last tablespoon though.)

Steamin' hot eggnog/milk (2:1) and a frother.

Huge, "Friends"-style 500ml mug, nutmeg grater, and a camera reflection.

Overfilled for that luscious 'nog-foam experience.

Starbucks ornament snowman says "Way to save yourself $5! You cheap bastard."

Half Soled Boots' "Wet Woollies" Advent Calendar

Do you remember me making a hat and mitten advent calendar back in 2008? I loved it, made a second one for my sister, and wrote up a pattern.

In 2009.

Here you are then - enjoy!
Ravelry page

EDIT:
Some people have had a problem downloading from Scribd.com. Here is an alternate host - please PM me on Ravelry if you still can't download it.

And here is YET ANOTHER alternate host. Google docs. Argh!

HSB Hats Mitts Advent

In Retrospect

EDIT: Dave reminded me that my post "Peace be With You" was nominated for Best Blog Post in the Canadian Blog Awards. I squeaked through into Round Two, so if you'd like to vote for me that would be great. (If, of course, you think the other four posts are not as good as mine. You must vote with your conscience, and you only get one shot at each poll.)

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I have been sitting here for forty-five minutes halfheartedly clicking around the web, and I ended up on my own blog to answer the question (asked by myself - the only interested party) of how many New Year's Eve posts I have written.

One!

I'm surprised: I thought it would be more.

I read the post (from 2006, amazingly), then scrolled down to see a photo of my children from Christmas Day five years ago. A five year old and a two year old - how shocking.

As far as recording history goes, this blog isn't much use, is it? I guess the fact that it's public keeps it from having any kind of archival accuracy - I keep my children off the blog, mostly.

But look at this. Christmas week, 2006:

And Christmas week, 2011:

Can we all just sit and marvel for a moment at the lightning-swift passage of time?

A moment is all we have time for, though.

Happy New Year!

Solstice

There is a mile of heavy rain and grey cloud between me and tonight's full moon, but I know it's there. In the fullness of time all things will pass away, but in the meanwhile I am going to light a few candles, brew up a potion (hot buttered YUM!) and enjoy the longest night. Cuddle up, everyone...winter is for sleeping!

XO

First of the year

Log Cabin Afghan

Pattern: How to Knit a Log Cabin Square
Yarn: Naturally Tussock 10-ply, 20 balls with about 3 balls' worth left over.
Yarn Source: Fun Knits inventory counting party
Yarn Cost: FREE, baby. This was the grand prize draw. Replacement cost of the 20 balls of yarn is $11 per ball or $220.
Needle: 5.5mm bamboo circular
Cast on: December 30, 2007
Bound off: March 23, 2008
Finished size: 53" by 63" unblocked, slightly stretched
Notes:
I had an overall plan for using the colours, but it didn't work out. I had to keep adjusting the colour distribution as the strips got longer and longer, therefore using more and more yardage.

I wanted a slight rectangle shape so it would go all the way from chin to feet. I doubled the width of the strips on opposite ends, twice, to end up with 10 extra inches of length.

A lot of people have remarked that this seems like an awful lot of work. You do have to cast off the entire length of each one of those strips, then later pick up along the entire cast-off length with another colour. There were a fair few ends to weave in, but not as many as one would expect. I did a bit of (sloppy, uncertain) math and figured out I bound off 928 stitches. And that means I also picked up 928 stitches. This is give or take, but basically you're looking at about a thousand stitches bound off and a thousand stitches picked up.

But you're not doing this all at once, so it's really not a problem. It's therapeutic, really, and I would absolutely make another one of these. Maybe with different colours though.

I am completely happy with this blanket. It has this amazing soporific effect on me, its weight and warmth and sheepy smell putting me straight to sleep. Luckily, Mr HalfSoledBoots thinks it's uncomfortably scratchy, so I shouldn't need to worry about him claiming it. He's more of a polar fleece guy.

It was an awful day today. Snowing when we woke up, then rainy, dark and miserable. At 2.30 I made myself a lovely boozy hot chocolate and cozied up with my blanket.

Marshmallow courtesy of Butter Baked Goods. (That marshmallow is worth $0.80, I'll have you know. [Eeesh.])

I can't believe it is the end of March and this is my first finished object post of the year. I don't really know where the time went. But Saartje's booties are lined up for an FO post, and soon I will have my Marina Piccola socks finished, so I guess I'll catch up soon enough.

Ms. Potato Head

This "massive snowfall as November turns to December" is becoming quite a tradition.

But the bear tracks in the driveway were new.

The most convenient snack EVER.