Wednesday, January 23, 2008

A Profanation of Holy Writ

Dear Person Who Last Borrowed Aran Knitting from the Library:


I borrowed this book both before and after you did. Did you think I wouldn't notice?


I don't know who you think you are, but if there's a hell you have earned yourself a special place in it for slicing four pages out of an out-of-print Alice Starmore reference and pattern book.





I can assure you that anything bad that happens to you in the future, whether during the knitting of St Brigid or at any point thereafter, is entirely and completely due to your cowardly desecration of this most sacred of texts. Not only is it a STARMORE book, but it's ARAN KNITTING and it's A LIBRARY COPY, you utter Philistine. You deserve whatever punishment heaven and the knitting gods mete out for your crime. Get ready to be jostling Judas Iscariot for elbow room in the ninth circle of hell.


And I'm TOTALLY TELLING. The library and Ms. Starmore will BOTH hear about this disgusting show of selfishness. They may not be able to do anything to you in this world, but be sure you will get your comeuppance in the next.


Indignantly yours,
Shannon


PS: With all my heart I wish you moths.

20 comments:

Annalea said...

Oh, the library surely will be able to do something about it. I believe they should have a record of who checked what out when for at least a little while. Unless they pull the wimpy "It's your word against theirs" argument, they should be able to charge the guilty party for a replacement.

How totally frustrating!

kate said...

Gaaak!!!! Of all the dirty things to do -- they really saw no other solution than this?!?!?
That just totally stinks. I guess there are even dirty rotten knitters out there - that makes me very very sad.
And you darn well better tell, 'cause that person shouldn't be allowed to borrow books if that's how the books come back. There is just no possible excuse for it.

kate said...

Gaaak!!!! Of all the dirty things to do -- they really saw no other solution than this?!?!?
That just totally stinks. I guess there are even dirty rotten knitters out there - that makes me very very sad.
And you darn well better tell, 'cause that person shouldn't be allowed to borrow books if that's how the books come back. There is just no possible excuse for it.

kate said...

sorry, hit publish twice and it's not letting me take it out.

Carolyn said...

How about the benefit of doubt here? Maybe it was the toddler of the family. The one that is going to practice using scissors to snip apart all the family heirlooms?

Then again, maybe the book is being auctioned off, page by page, on e-bay, to support someone's yarn habit.

Could was say, "At least she didn't violate copyright law." ? No, I don't think so.

Jo said...

Omigod. My mouth literally dropped open. The person couldn't just photocopy it and no one would any wiser?

Shan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shan said...

As the daughter of a former librarian I object as much to the wilful damage to A book, as to the fact that it's this particular book.

It's only my opinion, but violating copyright law would have been illegal but not harmful to others. (Since you can't buy this book anymore, thereby giving AS royalties.) Slicing pages out may not be illegal (though it certainly violates a library loan agreement) but it cheats everyone who will ever borrow this book.

Bethro said...

That's like taking candy from hemophiliac babies.

Shan said...

bethro, once again I am disarmed by helpless laughter.

Kris said...

Oh holy carp. What a crummy thing to do!

lizbon said...

Big honking saber-toothed moths that haven't eaten in weeks.

Belinda said...

"With all my heart I wish you moths."

I think I'm going to file that away in my memory bank to use in some sad or mad moment unrelated to knitting entirely. It will make me smile and forget the offence. I'm smiling now at the thought of yelling it through a car window at some hapless motorist who makes a dangerous move. It's a great improvement over my last expletive which was "You..DODO!"

Dave Hingsburger said...

Well, Shannon, I went on a quest to see what it would cost to replace the book. I have no life. I love Alibris ... the website to find out of print books (they managed to find me a copy of the hugely important book 'the making of a moron'... which despite it's horrible title tells an important historical tale) and to replace this book would cost over 400$ ... yep 400$ ... so that's one expensive and rare book that's been defaced. I don't get this kind of thing (or hitting puppies either) I don't even break the spine of a book when I'm reading it. Please, it's a book. Do you understand a BOOK! I've got to stop writing now, I'm getting the vapors.

Dave Hingsburger said...

Belinda ... d#d#? Watch your mouth this is a young mother you are talking to!

Gena said...

No! Oh my goodness, that is an outrage and I hope knitting karma keeps this person from ever successfully making that pattern. Or any other for that matter!

Hello, people, it is called a copy machine!

Olga said...

And I'm sure you mean that in the nicest way.......

Shan said...

Dave, believe me I have been anxiously watching the price of this book for about two years now, trying to find some poor eBay sucker who doesn't know what it's worth.

What I'm hoping now is, the library takes one look at it and says "oh, goodness, we can't loan out a book in THAT condition!! Would you like to buy it for the cover price?"

Sue said...

I'm right with you girl. In this age of photocopying and scanning, what an utterly selfish thing to do. Here in Oz we would say "may your chooks (hens) turn to emu's and kick your dunny (outside loo, usually non-sewered) door down.
And would you be prepared to buy the book without St. Brigid's pattern?

Penny said...

That comes into the category of completely shocking: just why not photocopy the darn thing? Or it was the toddler, sellotape the pages back in place, and hope no-one notices.