Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Sheltered? maybe.

My sister used to torture the neighbour's kitten, Mighty, by dressing him up and strapping him into her doll buggy. Apparently her cruel sadistic streak has only been repressed, not eliminated.

#2
This is the story of ten of the most awkward minutes of my life.

One night, while I was in university, my friend Diane and I were walking back to my place from the club where we had gone dancing. She wanted to stop at 7/11 for a cup of coffee, but had a lit cigarette which she wasn't allowed to bring inside. She handed it to me and said "here, hold this". I stood there outside the 7/11 while she bought her coffee at 2.45 AM, holding a lit cigarette like it was a stick of dynamite. I tried to look natural - you know, like it wasn't my FIRST TIME holding a cigarette at the age of 21 - but was fascinated by the ominous death-stick in my fingers. After a few minutes, when I was growing increasingly worried about the glowing red ring creeping ever closer to my hand, a kid about 15 approached and asked if he could bum a cigarette. I looked up in surprise and said automatically, "I don't smoke."

He looked at the cigarette in my hand. Looked up at me. Said "F*ck you, lady."

15 comments:

kate said...

Oh, I can just hear the teen sarcasm dripping from his voice! Too funny.

(I have no comment on the battle of the sisters. Last time I got in trouble. I'm remaining neutral. Like Switzerland. They have good chocolate, so I'm set.)

lizbon said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa!

Gwen said...

You never held a cigarette until you were 21? That's not what you told me. Is it because Mom reads this?

Shan said...

Gwen, I'm talking about tobacco here.

Penny said...

That is so funny. :-). But you were being entirely truthful.

stitchin' girl said...

A little mirth in the morning is a great thing! That was pretty funny.

Gwen said...

haha!

Gwen said...

"Mirth in the Morning," that sounds like a radio program. Like "Stew and Stew in the Morning," or "the World at Six," etc. Good one!

Dave Hingsburger said...

I once was sitting in my wheelchair outside 7 -11 and a teenager tried to beg a smoke from me. I responded by saying, 'You realize that you are begging from a cripple, do you realize how far you've fallen?" .... Now I was only joking but he burst into tears and ran off. I'm guessing he's the CEO of a small company right now and that's the inspirational story he will tell his grand kids. 'The night the cripple saved me from myself.'

Beth said...

ha ha! Thanks for that...I needed a laugh this Wednesday morn.

Kris said...

Too funny - your sister's commentary on Fox in Socks cracked me up!

Tabatha said...

OMgoodness, Gwen.

Like Kate I can totally hear the teen sarcasm. Great story.

Stace' said...

CLASSIC!

Cynthia said...

Very funny! I wish my sister blogged!

amanda said...

hysterical! a great story for my friday.