Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Florence Bloody Nightingale

RULES OF STAY-AT-HOME-MOTHERHOOD

1 - You are in charge of all the cooking

2 - You are in charge of all the cleaning

3 - You are in charge of all the grocery shopping (starting to notice a pattern here?)

4 - If anyone is sick you stay up night and day, for as long as it takes, bringing them water, crackers, cool cloths, and blankets; and brushing their teeth extra gently, changing their sheets, wiping their noses, and murmuring soothing words. You must also be extra patient since whininess is expected and allowable in sick people. Unless you are the sick person (see #5).

5 - If you are sick, suck it up. There are still meals to be cooked, bathrooms to be cleaned, and other people's butts to wipe.

6 - Never, EVER expect to be thanked, except on bi-annual insincerity days such as Mother's Day or your birthday.


I know I'm forgetting some of them, but sadly I don't have time to think things through properly just now (see numbers 1, 2, and 4). If you think of anything I missed, go ahead and remind me.

10 comments:

Gwen said...

But think of the rewards. In 30 years, you will be the recipient of two weekly phone calls, as well as the occasional, "Mom, how long do I cook this roast?" Now, doesn't that make it all worth it?

Kate said...

You are so reading my mind today. You forgot 6 - You can never be right. Even when it turns out you were right, somehow ... you were not.
Sigh.

Christy said...

Great post!!! I would rather be home than at work anyday but I have my moments thats for sure!!!!

Kate said...

See, I've lost my ability to count even, that should be #7 I've added on...

Karen said...

Mother/Genius - the words are easily interchangeable. With this incredibly labour intensive period of life - when the kiddies are small it is hard to believe that:
a. it will ever end
b. it will get better
c. that you really will be appreciated.
Because of your incredible super powers of being all things to all people in you family (even when barely vertical from some nasty virus) - there is light at the end of the tunnel. First you have the ability - believe it or not- to think on many planes simultaneoulsy(thus the genius shining thru) - in a rather coheret manner - whilst doing all of the afore mentioned tasks(1.,2.3.,etc.)In a few short years ahead, when life is not quite so labour intensive - you will reap the rewards of your genius skills . You are in training right now to do the impossible, with limited everything - so when things become a little less taxing - you will be accomplishing things that even you will be amazed at - all because of this intense and seemingly endless training program that you are now in!!
So dear Shan, you are SOOOO appreciated - even tho not everyone states this everyday - they do with their hugs and kisses even when they are teenagers - believe it, it is true - have a wonderful super day , you genius you!!!

Shan said...

All right - Karen wins the "Incisive Comment" award for cutting through the fog of self-pity with astute, perspective-restoring words.

Thanks Karen.

Susan Hird said...

When your kids are grown and out on their own, that is when you will be appreciated. Well, that is how it's been for me. I have 5 natural children and 3 foster children. All but one of the fosters considers hubby and I to not only be parents, but friends too. Even THEIR friends consider us to be friends, and we are invited to most if not all their parties etc. My life is very rich now, and I'm not sorry I was there for them in years past. Enjoy this time of being needed/used. You WILL reap the rewards later.

Gwen said...

I believe Kate and I win the "Cranky and Unfit Mother" awards, since we failed so comprehensively on the "Incisive Comment" award.

Kate said...

Woo hoo, Gwen! Cranky and Unfit are we.
Keep in mind, the inciteful commenters? Their kids are all over the age of 15. Just a thought. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that.

Gwen said...

Must. Stay. Sane.
Must. Not. Explode.
Must. Stay. Sane.
Must. Not. Explode.