Tuesday, September 02, 2008

I hardly know what to say

Dear Criminal Who Stole My Bike:

I hate you.

Sincerely,
Shannon


Dear Asshat BikeThief:

You hurt my feelings and almost made me cry.

From Shannon


Dear Parasite:

I hope the bad juju from my STOLEN saddle gives you hemorrhoids.

Shannon


Dear Lazy SOB:

Get a job and buy your own bike like I had to do.

Shannon


Dear Poo Stain:

I hate you for swiping my bike and forcing me to drive my car for every stupid errand I ever have to run, and hence to get fat.

Shannon


Dear Stupid Idiot:

If I ever see you riding my bike I am going to walk straight over and feed you a knuckle sandwich so hard you will be crapping teeth for a month.

Shannon


Dear Cancerous Polyp on the Anus of Humanity:

I hope no one ever knits you anything as long as you live.

Shannon

24 comments:

Ames said...

Sorry, Shan. We have had a few things stolen in the last few years. Not pretty.

Rachel said...

Oh man!! I hate to be cynical cuz within this little knit-blog community, people are so freakin' nice...but outside it? People suck. So sorry about the bike.

lizbon said...

Dear Bicycle Thief: You'd better not ride Shan's bike anywhere near me, 'cause I'll beat you to death with my big-ass chain.

Kris said...

That just sucks. We had our car stolen once and I can completely relate.

Jo said...

What's going on here? You are the third person this weekend I know who had his/her bike stolen.

mel said...

Oh, that's just awful. :(

Shan said...

And now, as if having my bike stolen wasn't bad enough, due to all the netherly references in this post one of my Google ads just read "Bowel and Colon".

Freaking great.

(Actually it's pretty funny.)

Stace' said...

So sorry!

I'll be lookin' out for your bike.

Brenda said...

Darn(Not the word I would use in real life). That really sucks!

Annalea said...

I never knew true anger until some{ahem}one stole my bike seat at college. (I have a suspicion it was the imps next door, who I got after for scratching car hoods with rocks from the alley.)

If the person who had stolen my seat had been within arm's reach, I'm not sure exactly what I would have done--I just know it would have been physical, and tremendously violent.

Best of luck getting all of that out of your system. It takes a while.

Knitsonya said...

That sucks. Vent. No knitting, no love.

Annalea said...

Just went back and read the comments. Rofl! I had to unblock the Google ads (love me my AdBlock), and got to see the best ad yet:

Do I Need a Colonoscopy?
Learn About Colonoscopies, Colon Cancer Risk Factors, and Prevention

Hee hee hee . . .

kate said...

Oh Shan, I am so sorry. Was it from the house?

Sometimes people just suck.

Gwen said...

Dear Reprehensible Thieving Philistine,

May your pantleg get irrevocably tangled in Shannon's bike chain.

Gwen

knititch said...

oh poor you. but i love your levels of assertiveness.

i am glad it wasn't me but then again who will knit me anything. or you;-)

rolla-cameron said...

I'm sorry to here about the bike theif, I guess they're back as we have had 3 bikes stolen right out of our yard (mind you on two differet occasions) But we did report it and we got one bike back the others I'm sure are long since gone.

This is also why I keep my bike beside my bed * sooo not kidding * lol

Shan said...

Yeah, and dude was caught, by a neighbour, in the act of stashing a bike in neighbour's hedge. Neighbour yells at him, Thief yells back "I'm just stashing a bike in your hedge...It's the third one I've stolen tonight so you can just keep it." And rides off ON MY BIKE which he had previously taken FROM MY GARDEN SHED.

kate said...

Gah!!!

That is terrible. I know the past couple of months have been really bad for B&Es in the area. Thank goodness they only went to the shed.

Dude, I'm just sad for you :(

evangelina said...

Karma is a very real thing. It can be a blessing or a curse.....your bike theif will find this out, hopefully, while he is in the path of a large falling tree.....walking of course. That way, your bike may find it's way back home. Needles out and Chin up....80)

Dave Hingsburger said...

Shannon, this is horrible. Not just the loss of the bike but the loss of the sense of security. People steal more than things, they steal peace of mind.

Susie Hewer said...

Dear Shannon,

I am so sorry to hear that you have been violated in this way. As your Uncle Dave says, the thief takes more than the booty.

Last weekend our elderly neighbours in the village had burglars during the night as they slept upstairs. Thankfully they didn't wake up - they are both in their 80s and very frail. The thieves stole many items of great sentimental as well as financial value but the worst thing they stole was Margaret and Martin's peace of mind. When I saw them yesterday they said they now feel fearful in their own home. That is just not right.

Take care of yourself, be strong, have a good old rant and don't let the b@st@ard win.

Tabatha said...

Labour Day weekends are horrible. Kevin's scooter got stolen on Labour day weekend. Our van got smashed by a drunken 16 year old last year on Labour day weekend last year. Grrr Arrg!

I am really sorry your bike got stolen! That really sucks.

karen said...

Hey Shan,
I am totally P.O'd for you - I too had my bike stolen while I lived in Victoria, and since it was my only mode of transport at that time - I was VERY upset. Decided that the crime was the same as a HorseThief and so a noose was the answer - ok not really - I got over it - I was just really mad.... Anyway, funny thing - the cops came by last nite, looking for one of our notorious previous tenants (that we successfully evicted last year). He has been gone from Campbell River for 16 mos. Seems that he arrived back in town( about 3 weeks ago) and is into the bad stuff again - including swiping stuff for his personal needs. I am locking stuff up - cause I KNOW that he inclined to taking stuff( his mobile was sooo full of bikes, parts of bikes and other expensive stuff - it took truckloads to clear it out - no kidding - most went to the Thrift Stores - or the dump). Anyway if I hear of anything out there, I will let you know. Also, keep in touch with the Police - if you have all of your serial #'s etc. you can get your bike back - if they or someone finds it. Also, all of the found bikes, that go unclaimed ar sold off at the building beside the Enterprise Centre on St. Ann's - I'll get you the phone #.
Karen

Ruth said...

oh my word...i cannot stop laughing...i love the asshat!