Tuesday, February 03, 2009

What Lies Beneath

It's been a long time since I did a Messy Tuesday post, but I have a problem I need help with. See this?



It's my stove. I've been keeping it kind of tidy recently but the stovetop isn't the problem......I know it's time - and past time - for me to pull that sucker out and clean behind it. We've been living in this house four years and it's never been done.

Normally I'd do it myself, but this poor old thing has no feet. Its little foot-screw-thingies are sitting on bits of folded cardboard so they don't puncture the linoleum, (it was a TEMPORARY measure when we moved in - we were supposed to buy another stove but it turned out this thing went like a house on fire - it was just old) so I can't just walk or drag the stove out of its slot - it has to be lifted.

I'm preternaturally strong, of course, but even I can't single-handedly lift a 25+ year old stove from a spot between counter and wall, where it is wedged with a half-inch of clearance.

So I need help.

But if I ask for help, the person who helps me is going to see something.

They are going to see all the things that have gone down the side of the stove since we moved in.

And I am clumsy and tend to drop things, so this person will see the following:

-at least one dessicated waffle
-at least two dessicated pancakes
-several bits of pasta
-a tablespoon of peppercorns (you'd think those would have rolled out the bottom but I think they are caught in the squares of the waffle)
-some drips of various sauces
-probably some things I don't even know about

Mum's out - too clean. My friend is out - too clean. My sister - not here. Also too clean. My husband - I'm too proud. What I NEED, really, is one of you to help me, since you guys know just how bad a housekeeper I am and nothing will surprise you.

Any volunteers?

15 comments:

Ames said...

How long can it wait? You know I have supernatural strength, too.

Do you have one of the wheeled thingamabobs for working under your car?

Suelle said...

I'd love to help, since I've got 4 knives, about 1/4 cup of honey, 2 tablespoons of raisins, & approximately 5 lbs of good ol' fashioned dirt down the side of my stove. Your stove dirt would look like a pristine snowbank compared to mine, & make you feel very cleanly indeed!

Gwen said...

I can't help but notice an unusual lack of comments on this post.

Dave Hingsburger said...

Ah, young one, that which is hidden behind the stove is nothing to be embarrassed about - it is simply evidence of a life, lived. No one is too clean to help, everyone spills. What's more concerning is the junk that falls behind our preconceptions and attitudes - many people NEVER clean behind those, which is truly a shame. If I were there, I'd get Joe to help.

Susie Hewer said...

I've got enough dirt lurking behind my own kitchen stuff without looking at yours thank you very much!

I have, however, put the recipe for the Georgian Kachapuri on my blog for you. Just make that and stop worrying about the cooker :-)

carlarey said...

I used to have a roommate who believed the microwave was a food storage device. After coming home from a weekend trip to a godawful stench and finding a piece of salmon in there that had transmogrified into a Chia Pet, you can't shock me.

Sadly, I live too far away to be of any real help.

kate said...

I of course will help, although my strength is nothing compared to the clydesdale strength of yourself. You know the back of my stove is just the same.

I just can't get over the shiny stovetop, myself.

Annalea said...

They have these nifty things called hand trucks. (Or dollies.) They also have these really cool, nifty things that you put underneath the legs of said appliance once you have access to it, and then it'll slide out beautifully when you pull on it. (They're called "Moving Men" here, but I don't know about up there.)

So, you can either use the hand truck and lever the thing out, clean and then install the glides for next time; or you can get Mr HSB to tilt the stove enough for you to slip the glides underneath the screws on cardboard, and the slide it out when he's not around.

But with all of that said? I agree totally with your Uncle Dave (who has a lot of thoughts I really like): don't stress it, Shan. Just get the help, and get it done. :o) And now, to go see where the kids have gone. It's too quiet downstairs . . .

lizbon said...

Um, I hate to suggest the obvious, but why not just let all those dessicated pancakes return to the earth the natural way and not clean back there? Having said this, of course, you will never, ever, want to come over for dinner, will you? No matter how fantastic a cook I am, even if I promise to ply you with the Gingerbread of Mordor...

I'd ask Mr. HSB. Seems like it's his duty to help with that kind of thing. That pride ain't helping you any.

Shan said...

Lizbon, the Gingerbread of Mordor may be the best phrase I have ever heard. My life long.

stitchin' girl said...

Is that all you have down there?? We could probably feed a whole family from what's under and behind ours - not to mention all the toys, spoons, paper, pet hair (YUCK!!) etc.....

Alibeee said...

Just say the word, and I'll send DH over with an appliance dolly. He's gotten pretty good at using it, thanks to many years of having to move the fridge to retrieve the missing hamster(s).

As for the dirt/grime/evidence of every day life behind the stove, it won't phase him in the least because he's used to my housekeeping skills, or lack thereof. My motto is, "If I can't see it, I don't have to clean it."

To be honest, I'm not sure what lurks behind my stove, but I have no doubt that it's in cahoots with whatever is behind yours, plotting to take over the world. Perhaps my DH can thwart their dastardly plan with the help of a gallon of Mr. Clean, some bleach and a blowtorch.

Alison

tara said...

@Alibeee: Wow, my family always just tempted the hamster out with food. I'd have never thought to move the appliance itself...

Shan, I'd love to help (or get my cleaner to help), but I'm a bit far away. Good luck!

swoon said...

Dear Shan,
you have great friends ANNALEA, said it all.
anyway your husband if he's like me will do anything cheerfully for a promise of romance. Swoon

mel said...

When you get it out we should compare and have a contest!! ;) At least it looks all sparkly from the outside!