Dear Norwegian Men's Olympic Hockey Team:
Welcome! Thank you for your interest in our country's second national sport! We are so glad you could make it to Vancouver to enjoy our nation's hospitality for this the 2010 Olympic Winter Games.
Please make yourself comfortable. We understand your best goalie is a very nice carpenter, and we'd like you to bring him along so he can bang some nails, figuratively speaking, into our offensive line's shots. We'd like to stress that he can expect some very rewarding glove saves, as we plan to only shoot gentle forehands right into it. All he has to do is hold it moderately open: our players have amazing aim, so they will be able to drop the pucks right in.
Thank you again for attending the games, and giving some of our citizens a well-deserved smackdown. You are making us a better, more humbler nation.
* * *
The Canadian Men's Olympic Hockey Team
RE: Strategy for the Game vs. Norway
SWEET FANCY MOSES WILL YOU SHOOT THE FREAKING PUCK ALREADY. GO FIVE HOLE, YOU MORONS, THE GUY'S GLOVE IS UNBEATABLE.