Sunday, August 09, 2009

No Foolin’.

Hey, lady:

You are wandering around the grocery store with one ear glued to a cell phone, your iPod in your other hand, diamonds dripping off you, shooting verbal abuse at your two children between the inane, slanderous conversation you are having with your phone, and loading your cart with chips, diet mixers, Red Bull and Lean Cuisine.

I followed you around the aisles for forty minutes, getting my own jobs done, and I think I have your measure.

I do not believe you are a yogini studying balance and centredness, no matter how many lululemon logos you are sporting – I counted four. Five if I include the bag. You can wrap yoga wear around your soft, dimpled, privileged arse every day of your clueless life, if you like. When I look at you, I see Kmart clearance.

Peace out.



kate said...


Brenda said...

what kate said! Funniest thing I've read in a long time.

Ruth said...

I need to write more of these letters! :)

Terri said...

I am going to leave comments for multiple posts.
#1 (most recent) Ha! She proably lives in Bellevue, WA.
#2 Soup will make everything better! Always.
#3 Looking up the books now.
#4 I think is actually realted to a previous post, "Artisan Bread In Five Minutes a Day", this book has changed my life.

Dave Hingsburger said...

That. Was. Fun.

Kristine said...

Nicely damn-well said.

Jadekitty said...

Amen Sister :)
Although I have to say, I've managed to rack up my own little stash of Lululemons, and I adore them. Because they are so comfortable.

carlarey said...

Remember when, if you had something particularly scandalous and/or embarrassing to talk about you went in the ladies room, checked to make sure it was empty, then turned on the taps before you spoke, like it was some Cold War espionage movie?

I miss those days. Also, I wish airport lounges came with Cones of Silence.

Rona said...

Amusing! Made my morning ;-)

lizbon said...